Bring Me Back to Life

Written by Mazyrian

Read the full review over on Tomato Conspiracy

In an attempt to revitalize this stinking carcass of a blog, I went back to the dark side to deliver some wit and depth to the unenlightened masses. Thanks to heavy downtime and idle hands, prepare yourselves for the new golden age of ero-blogging!

One-shot (aka Micchi style) route reviews:

Himawari no Kyoukai to Nagai Natsuyasumi – Natsusaki Yomi

himanatsu055

Best morning present ever!

Unlike that other overrated title my compatriots hyped and forgot about 1 week later, this game has the best single route story I’ve ever experienced, AND it has designs by Inugami Kira. Take that SUCKERS. Anyway, this slice-of-life, romance stuff is fantastic and it has Taguchi Hiroko voicing the best character in the entire game. There’s this crazy supernatural TWEEST with cats and death and all that but it all makes sense….sorta in the end. Thank you Makura-Soft for being so based. Also the music must be composed by Hans Zimmer ever since his greatest hit, The Prince of Egypt. I swear this shiet makes me sob and cry like a little girl. OSANANAJIMIS IN SEASIDE TOWNS ARE DA BEST!

Amairo Islenauts – Masaki Gaillard

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Best present a teacher can ever give!

I don’t know what the hell everyone else is complaining about because this is the GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD. My buddies keep whining about the teacher-student relationship DORAMA but how else can you get deep symbolism? Masaki is the TEACHER’S PET. IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I also can’t understand why the the main character, Tooru, is upset that they’re not “really lovers” because this is arguably EVEN BETTER! LIVE THE DREAM BABY! CURRY 4 LYFE! I don’t see the problem here! Score: 11/10. WOULD FAP AGAIN.

Primal X Hearts – Kanna Kana

kannapantsu

Best present a girlfriend can ever give!

I swear I thought Marmalade would never pull itself together but it managed to belt out the sleeper hit of the year out of its arse. The story is actually GOOD and they did away with the stupid drama that plagued their previous games. Kudos for them to returning back to their roots(?) and making the best vanilla pr0n I’ve had. I was seriously built up this past year and desperate times called for desperate measures. Misono Mei is so good at voicing the fluffy, fluttery senpai. Her voice literally keeps my boner rock hard and ready to explode!

Artificial Academy 2

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Worst present I’ve ever opened!

What wouldn’t be a review without a mention of the greatest masterpiece by the greatest company ever created since the history of mankind? How about COMBINING IT WITH THE GREATEST MANGA/ANIME CREATED SINCE THE HISTORY OF MANKIND? Yeah, that’s right! Lemme tell ya the AI is completely bonkers and everyone seems to get freaking jealous of my bodacious body for no apparent reason! I mean everyone else is fucking around just like me so why am I the one getting slapped? FYI, try to do it in the guy’s bathrooms cuz the lolis have yandere traits and might kill ya if she sees her man wanking away anywhere else. I swear they know where I am ALL THE TIME, and that’s when I’m not pounding away in the middle of the streets!

This is Observer32, signing off. When do I get paid???

Read the full review over on Tomato Conspiracy

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Mazyrian

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